Monday, January 30, 2012

Impatiently waiting for Patience

Each Sunday Pastor Tom begins the service by opening the alter and inviting everyone to come up and pray or to kneel at your seat and pray what is in your heart. Yesterday during this time I kneeled down on the floor and the only word that would come into my head was patience. I prayed over and over Dear Lord, please help me find patience in my heart so I can be a better mom. I felt like such a failure as that was my prayer.

Most days feel like an obstacle course and I am just jumping hurdles and walls trying to get to the finish line and beat my previous time. I hurry through my day trying to get through one task to get to the next and I shuffle my daughter along the way as well. At night when I reflect on my day I am usually disgusted with myself when I think about the "hurry up" I said as Addy was on a 10 minute hunt for Quack Quack when I was trying to get us out the door, or the "move" I commanded while she was hanging onto my legs as I was carrying a laundry basket with 6 or more loads of dirty clothes. And the toddler whining and tantruming, how many eye rolls, sighs, and OMG thoughts can go through my head and show on my face? Or how about the way I watch the clock waiting on nap time because I am so anxious to get a jump start on the 5 hours of to-do's I need to get done in the 2 hour nap time frame...I need to get in my run, the toilet has a ring around it, the dogs are pacing at the door to go pee, I have four chapters I need to read for school this week, a research proposal draft is waiting to be written, I could use some lunch and a shower, breakfast dishes are still in the sink, there is a sticker embedded in the carpet, and I sure would love to catch up on last week's episode of Grey's. I wonder, am I the only mom who feels like an overwhelmed disaster?!

I know that this time with my daughter, while she is sweet and little and wants more than anything to spend every waking moment with mommy, is precious and short. I went to my favorite blog and in a post titled Overflowing Patience by TeriLynn Underwood, I found the inspiration I was looking for. She wrote "this word, patience, is better translated by the King James Version, as longsuffering." She also posed the question How can I grow patience in my heart and allow it to overflow into my relationship with my daughter? Then she offered this advice: Patience begins and ends with putting ourselves aside and giving our daughters our attention and our affirmation. There is no short cut and no easy way.

She suggested this exercise:

1. Commit to yourself for one day to be longsuffering with your daughter … to stop and listen with your full attention, to lay aside your plans and join her in hers, to speak with grace and not impatience.

2. Memorize Ephesians 4:2 – Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ok, challenge accepted. I will start by getting off of this computer and drawing Foofa on the magna doodle because the cutest little pig-tailed princess is asking me to.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Pinterest is Crack

I speak the truth...pinterest is most definitely crack. I can literally spend HOURS of my life looking, laughing, salivating, and pinning. And since I've been sick the last couple of weeks and haven't been able to do too much else, I really have spent a tremendous amount of time on this site. Justin thinks I'm a little crazy and doesn't understand what the heck I'm doing over here, however, I justified myself tonight by cooking a very delicious calzone that I got off of pinterest. I mean, seriously, that thing was like Mellow Mushroom good. It is probably the 3rd recipe I've tried from my pins and by far the best. Pinterest has also inspired me to attempt some better organization around here. This weekend, in between naps and feeling like my chest was on fire and caving in, I cleaned out the coat closet, cleaned out and organized the guest bedroom closet (and by organized, I mean pulled all the junk out and then shoved it back in again in a different way) and cleaned out and organized the laundry room/closet. I am pretty pleased with the laundry closet. I went to the dollar tree and bin-basket'ed it up. I chose blue for the color because that is what they had the most bins and baskets in. The coat closet looks much better also. I'm not that impressed with my work in the guest bedroom, but there is really not much hope for that area. There is NO storage space in this house. We don't even have a garage! So closets are the garage and they are packed full to the max. I did combine a few boxes and put some things in a Goodwill pile. I guess that's pretty good for now. I also made a trip to Ross. I HAD to get some air. I had not left the house other than to go to the doctor in like 5 days. I bought a few new things for the guest bedroom including a new comforter (for $30!) which I think is really pretty and I'm excited about it. And since I am such a devoted pinner, I am declaring that room my first Pinterest project. I really do want something productive to come from the insane time I put into my pinning :) I have a few little things in mind that have inspired me from my pins that I would like to attempt for in there...and something is getting painted with chalkboard paint. Before and after pics to come. I hope I don't permanently damage anything or glue myself to...myself, or anything else.

This is a pretty snoozable post, but unfortunately when you are stuck at home with pneumonia for weeks on end, there isn't much interesting to share. I am happy to report that I have been doing excellent on my cursing less, especially in front of Addy. And it seems like since I have been cutting back the potty mouth, I have also done a better job of controlling my attitude by way of eye rolling, heavy sighing, and impatient commands. Knock on wood....we've had some really great days at home here lately. I am hoping this is not because I just haven't had the energy to do anything else. I will keep praying about it.

I will also share this saying that I saw...where else....on Pinterest today :)
When life gives you more than you can stand, kneel

Love that

Today's Blessings:

10. Waking up not to an alarm, but to the sweetest little voice coming over the monitor. "Mama, mama, help!" Saying help is her new thing. It really cracks me up (except when she says it as I'm buckling her into her car seat. People probably think I'm a kidnapper) I hope I never forget the way her voice sounded when she was this age.

11. My mom worrying about me. Why is it that, no matter how old you get, when you don't feel well, you always want your mom? I'm thankful that I have a great mom, who worries about me and always calls to check on me. It really does make me feel a little better. I pray that I bring that kind of comfort to my baby.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


It has been quite a day. Today I had a CT scan, blood taken from both arms, the feeling that I just peed in my pants, and the holy bajeezus scared out of me! I will back track and explain all of that. Most of you know (I must interrupt and say that I love that I say "most of you" as if I am speaking to the masses. There is probably a grand total of 2 people who read this blog. Just made me laugh!) Anyway, as most of you know I went to the doctor the Monday before Christmas with chest pain and was diagnosed with pneumonia. I had no idea that I was even sick, I had just been experiencing severe, sharp chest pain for a couple of weeks. I had been on webmd and diagnosed myself with a number of life threatening illnesses that I was sure I had. When the nurse checked my vitals I also had a temperature of 102. I said "hmmm, that's weird." She looked at me like I was weird. I had some x-rays done and the doctor told me that I had a pretty good sized mass of pneumonia in my lungs and that was the reason for the chest pain. I thought that was the most bizarre thing since I was experiencing NO other symptoms that you typically associate with pneumonia. No sneezing, coughing, wheezing, snots...nothing. But what do I know, I'm certainly no doctor. So I sent Justin after my prescription, which was *gasp* $132. I almost died. I was sure this medicine must be laced with diamonds and unicorns and I would most definitely feel better immediately. So, I grew roots on the couch for a few days thanks to my Mom who came and got Addy and I did actually feel better in time for Christmas. I was so happy that I got to enjoy the holidays with my family and over joyed that Addy and Justin did not come done with my pneumonia cooties. I finished out my antibiotic last Wed and felt pretty good. This weekend, the chest pain came back with a vengeance! Sunday night I was in a lot of pain and I was super mad that my super expensive medicine had not done the trick. So I put off going back to the doctor until today, Wednesday, because I was hoping it would just go away. I took Addy with me to the walk-in clinic because I didn't think we would be there very long, just in and out for a prescription refill (which by the way was NOT going to be the $130 prescription, I was going to ever so politely tell them what they could do with that one!) The doctor did another x-ray and after some waiting, a toddler meltdown, and 87 replays of "There's a party in my tummy" video on Youtube (thank God for smart phones), the doctor came back in looking all serious. She told me that the mass in my lungs had grown and that it was not pneumonia. She said she thought it was most likely a pulmonary embolism, which is a blood clot in my lungs. OMG! There is the bajeezus getting scared out of me. I actually new a guy about my age that passed away last fall from a blood clot. My heart sank and I didn't really know what to say or do. I couldn't cry and be the basket case that I wanted to be because I had Addy. So I called Justin and he said he would leave work. I had to go to another doctor's office to get a CT scan and since it was now 2 hours past A's lunch time, I knew I could not even think of taking her for that. So they took some blood work and I headed to Franklin for my test. There I had more blood taken and a needle stuck in my arm so the tech could inject a dye for my test. It hurt really bad. The lady was very nice and told me what to expect and she was right on the money. As soon as I got the injection, my whole body was warm, my ears felt like they were on fire, my heart was racing, and I was positive I had peed in my pants! She told me I would feel that way, but that I would not actually have done it. I was SURE I had peed myself...but I didn't. Crazy. They sent my results back to my doctor, and it turns out I do NOT have a blood clot in my lungs. Thank God! I was doing some serious praying in that waiting room. I was terrified, nothing has ever been wrong with me in my life, I have been blessed with good health. They CT showed that the mass is still in fact pneumonia infection. My doctor was baffled that I had not responded to the first round of antibiotics and that it has grown, but she gave me another round of antibiotics. Guess we will see how this one goes. I am just so thankful that it is just pneumonia. My chest is still hurting very bad, I hope this antibiotic gets the job done fast. I have a new treadmill upstairs that is calling my name!

Justin is also not feeling well. I'm not sure what he is coming down with but he is downing theraflu as I type. Poor guy. I always hate it when he is sick because he NEVER takes off work when he doesn't feel well. He just works through it, when I know if it were me I would have called in and balled up on the couch under a blanky in my jammies. That man is tough as nails! Love him. So please say a prayer for him too, we are both in need of some healing. So far, sweet Addy is feeling fine.

Also today, anyone reading this, I am asking for your prayers for a dear friend of mine. I can't go into any detail, but yesterday someone that I love very much received some devastating news about her child. It is not life threatening, but it is life changing. I have spent a lot of time in the last 24 hours talking to God and praying for this family. I feel so helpless as a friend because there is truly nothing that I can do to bring comfort to her. I have been asking God to wrap his arms around her and her husband and allow them to feel his presence and draw peace and strength from Him. I can only imagine the pain and grief they are feeling and the questions in their heads that seem to have no answers. I wish that I could take that all away for her. I know that their hearts are breaking, mine breaks for them too. I know that they need healing Lord, please shine your light on them and show them hope.

Today's blessings

8. Not having a blood clot in my lungs! I was so afraid. I never thought I would say that I am thankful for pneumonia, but I am.

9. A healthy child

Hug your babies tight and tell them you love them every single day as many times as possible.

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Big 3-0

I have been dreading this day for seriously, 5 years now. My husband would testify to that, since the day I turned 25 I've reminded myself each year that I was closer to 30 than 20. I did not have a meltdown today, although one was fully expected. I'm pretty proud. I can't tell you exactly why I hate the idea of being 30 so much. I have friends that are 30. They didn't dry up and turn into one big wrinkle and they still do the same stuff they were doing last year when they were 29. No life altering change hit me today...I don't know what it is. I just don't like it. There is something about being a twenty-something that just makes you feel youthful. Being a thirty-something just doesn't have the same ring to it. Boo-hoo. Oh and P.S. I found a grey eyebrow hair tonight. Are you kidding me!? I got this super lighted, magnifying mirror for Christmas. So far it has proven to be quite evil...and I asked for the dang thing! I could seriously sit for hours picking, tweezing, and staring at my giant pores and other various imperfections. I am also sure that I spotted a wrinkle, or a "laugh line", which is just a friendly way to say WRINKLE. Justin said I was crazy. I'm afraid he may steal and hide my magic mirror.

Less whining, right? Right. So good things about turning 30....hmmm. I can't really think of any off the top of my head :) I am however, thankful for another birthday that I am here for and I pray for many more to come. I am thankful for my health and for the health of my family. One good thing I can say is that I think I look 10 times better at 30 than I did at 20. I know how to fix my hair and make up in a flattering way and I am definitely in better shape than I was back then. At 20 I was in college with the freshman 15 (or 20), had a nice little beer belly, and I definitely did not have a lick of style! I owned a pair of pleather pants, people! That is just sad. I could tell you a pretty funny story about pleather pants, a dance floor, and one of my favorite red heads...but she would probably kill me :) Aaahhh 20, the good ol days.

On a side note, I would say Day 1 on my New Years resolution was a success. I did do some mild complaining about my age and grey eye brow hair, but hey, it IS my birthday and I can cry if I want to :)

Today's Blessings:

4. I am blessed with a very sweet husband that tells me he loves me every day. He also took me on a birthday date tonight and told me I looked pretty.

5. I had over 50 people wish me a happy birthday on facebook. What a great feeling that so many people took a moment out of their day to think of me. It really made my day.

6. I am so thankful for my sister in law, Julie. I know that some people may have awkward relationships with in-law family members, but I am so blessed that I gained a sister through marriage who has also become one of my best friends. Thank you Jules for keeping our little monkey tonight so Justin and I could go on our hot date!

7. New love. I have a couple of single friends who have recently started dating some special someones. Now, I don't know if either one is truly "in love" just yet, but it is a blessing to me to see them happier than they have been in a very long time. I pray that they are able to find a love as true as I have.

Justin and I on my birthday date tonight