Big Girl Goes for the Gold!

Ok, maybe I didn't win the gold...but today I felt victorious! I ran my first ever 5K race and crossing that finish line was a feeling like none other. I truly started tearing up when the finish line first came into sight. I couldn't believe I was actually going to do it. This has been a goal of mine for several years now, I've just never made it happen. I finished in 39 minutes and 10 seconds. It is definitely not a good time, but an accomplishment none the less. I'm pretty proud of this big girl, I wasn't really sure if I would ever get to the point that I could continuously run 3 miles. It's still pretty horrible right now...nothing about it is easy. And I am slow, SUPER slow. But not matter how slow I run, I'm still lapping all those on the couch, right?! I like to remind myself of that frequently. It was a pretty day for a race, but it was HOT. Even at 7am it was sticky, the air was thick, and it felt like we were running through soup. What else would I expect running on the 4th of July?! But we did it!

My sisterinlaw Julie ran the race with me today. She ran a half marathon just a few months ago. She's pretty awesome! Jules could have easily ran the race this morning in under 30 minutes, but she ran right by my side,supporting me all the way. I am so glad she was there! She really kept me going that last half mile. If she hadn't been there I probably would have walked, then I would have been so upset with myself.

I knew that Justin and Addy were coming to see me, but coming around that last corner and seeing my sweet little girl waving and cheering really made it all worth it. A giant wave of motivation rushed over me and I decided to go for it. Julie and I picked it up and ran hard the last little bit. A strong finish! I am proud of me, but most of all I am proud to be setting a positive example of healthy living for my little girl. I want to teach her the importance of having a healthy, strong body and the correct ways to do it. I don't want her to ever do some of the unhealthy things I've done like yo yo dieting and diet pills. Those methods are temporary and potentially dangerous. Maintaining a healthy diet and exercising are the way to go. I feel and look better than I have since....since I can remember. My 30 year old self is definitely better than the 20 year old version.

I post and write a lot about weight loss and my struggle with a healthy body image. It is a battle every day. Some days I win, some I lose. But I can say that I am happy with where I am right now and the way I look. I have more work to do, areas to improve on, and I still have 8 more pounds to go to reach my goal weight...but I believe I can do it. I believe I will do it. I can also say that I look forward to running. That is something I NEVER thought would come out of my mouth. Don't get me wrong, I don't love it right now. It's hard, I often feel like I'm dying, and my body hurts so bad afterwards...but I know that the more I do it, the better I will get. My goal now is to continue running the 5K distance and work to lower my time to 35 minutes. It might take a while, but I'm ok with that. I will be more ok with that when the temperatures are not in the high 90s and 100s for sure :) Come on fall! I don't know how many, if anyone, actually reads this blog, but if you do and you are one of my facebook friends I would really like to thank you for commenting on and liking my running status updates. Your support and encouragement means so much and it truly inspires me to do more! Here are a few race day pictures for you :)

Daddy and Addy come to cheer us on!

Julie and I heading towards the finish line!

We did it!
- Please know that I had just downed a grape powerade- my teeth are not always that awful color :)

Mommy and The Princess

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY Y'ALL!

Ch Ch Changes

As June comes to an end, I can't think of a better word to reflect the Baker household this month than Change. And pretty much all of the change has been in Addy's world. I really can't tell you how proud I am of her considering everything she has been through this month. This intro sounds like she has been through something completely traumatic, and honestly, when your talking life of a toddler....she has. In the last four weeks Addy has gone from a pappy worshiping, diaper wearing toddlerbaby to a pappy free, panty Princess. Yes, I am crazy and put my child through two major life changes in one month. I do nothing but preach "one major change at a time" so all I can say in my defense is, she was ready. Seriously...for both. She has handled it like a champ! I had no intentions of doing either really, it just happened that way. I have had several friends ask me how I've done both. I am certainly no parenting expert, truly, I'm a daily disaster! However, I will gladly share our stories in hopes that something I did might inspire or help someone else.

PAPPY

It was love at first sight. My daughter has taken a pacifier since the day she was born. My niece, Lucy, who was about 20 months old and just beginning to talk when we moved to Nashville, once called it a "pappy" and from then on that is what we called it.

This photo was taken at the hospital right before we took her home.

The Princess LOVES her pappy. She has had one clipped to every outfit she has ever worn, she has clips to match most outfits she has worn, she slept with one in her mouth and one in her hand for comfort. Y'all, I've actually seen her with more than one in her mouth! We never left the house without at least three just in case of an emergency. Forgetting her pappy would have been worse than forgetting milk or diapers. She was so unbelievably attached to that thing that I really would lie awake some nights wondering how and if we would ever be able to take it from her.

I think you see my point :) I knew we were approaching the time where something had to be done when I noticed that she was no longer taking the pappy out to talk. The Princess at first would take her pappy out to say something, then pop it back it. Then she just got too busy for that and would talk with it just dangling out of her mouth like a cigar. That was really enough for me but I still had no clue how to approach this. A girlfriend of mine was posting on facebook about breaking her son from his pacifier and he is younger than The Princess, so I bombarded her with as many questions as I could think of about what she did and decided that now was the time for us too. She began by reducing his pacifier to only sleep time and gradually weened from there. That sounded reasonable. So I decided that first thing in the morning when I got her out of bed, I would ask The Princess to leave her pappy on her bookshelf and explain that pappys were only for sleepy time, big girls didn't need one during the day. On the first day, she just took it out of her mouth, sat in on the shelf and took off towards the kitchen to wait for her breakfast. I seriously had to laugh. That was too easy! I was fully prepared for meltdown city after she ate. I brewed a full pot of coffee and made it extra strong...it was going to be a long day.

Nothing.

Bizarre right?! At nap time I gave it to her, she slept, then I repeated the same thing when she got up. Again, she willingly surrendered the pappy and went on about her business. She never asked for it. I couldn't wait to tell Justin. He was as shocked as I was. This went on for a couple of days. She was a little clingier and whinier than normal, but she never ever asked for it. At the end of like day 4 or 5 Justin and I were getting The Princess ready for bed. We were following our normal bedtime routine: bath, get on pjs, brush teeth and dry hair, then come back to the bedroom for story time, say prayers, sing songs, then lay down. All through this process Justin had the pappy in his hand where she could not see it. She never asked for it and never seemed to be looking for it. After the last song was sung we looked eachother in the eye and kinda shrugged and without speaking agreed to just see what happens. We tucked The Princess in her crib, snug as a bug in a rug with her milk cup and Quack Quack. We walked out and closed the door behind us and both looked like what in the world just happened. I don't even think I sat down for over 10 minutes because I knew she was going to start crying for it any minute. I was prepared to give it to her if she wanted it. We had agreed to do this gradually and I had no plans of just making her go cold turkey. We heard her in there singing "Bitsy Bitsy" spider for a while, and then nothing....she was asleep. WHAT!!?? I text everyone I knew...Addy went to bed without her pappy! Everyone pretty much had the same response, WHAT!!?? Crazy, I know. So we went to bed. I heard her over the monitor around 2 am. I was sleepy and not about to endure a midnight meltdown so I went down with the intention of handing it over. I got her out of bed and sat down in the rocker. I held her tight, sang a song, and rocked her. She went back to sleep. She NEVER asked for the pappy. I put her back down and she slept til morning. Insane! I seriously could not believe it. I was convinced it was a fluke. But night two and then three rolled around. Nothing. Day 3 she asked for it while we were in the grocery store. She always had it while riding in the shopping cart, of course. I guess maybe that triggered a memory or something. I just told her pappy was gone gone, that big girls didn't need one. She bought it. Now I will say that the first week or so was ROUGH behavior wise. She wasn't bad, but super clingy and whiney and her tantrums were bad because I had no way to console her and she had no idea how to console herself without it. But it got better. She puts her hands in her mouth much more now that she ever has before, but she has not picked up sucking her thumb...knock on wood! She has only asked for it that one time. After her first night without it, I took her to Target and allowed her to choose a toy that she liked and I explained to her that this was a big girl present because she was a big girl now and did not need her pappy. She chose a bunny house, that was basically a doll house that came with a bunny family. I let her choose it with no influence from me, she carried it to the checkout, I paid, then she carried it herself to the car. It was her first big girl shopping adventure. She loved it. I did a major sweep of our house and searched high and low for pappys. I didn't want her to find one and have a set back. I warned my Mom too before we came for a visit. I think I gathered 8 :) I had to keep one pappy and one pappy clip for my Addy box. A special box where I keep baby things that will always make me think of my sweet angel. She has been three weeks without it!

THE POTTY

I had been thinking of starting potty training with The Princess for a while. She has been interested in the potty since Mom bought her one last fall. She has loved going to the bathroom when I go and sitting clothed on her little potty. She would "wipe" and throw her toilet paper in the potty. She really just seemed to like the process. Even at my Mom's house she would go with her and sit on her scale that sat next to the toilet and pretent to potty. She also would tell me sometimes when she was wet or dirty, but she was never really consistent with it. I have done a ton of reading online about potty training and solicited advice from family and friends. But even with all of this in mind, I still had no plan of action for us. One night last week, out of no where, Justin suggested I potty train her before I start working in August, that it would be easier to do it now. I just kind of laughed like, yeah ok I'll get right on that. She was only 2 weeks out from giving up the pappy and I just felt it would be too much. But then I also kept thinking how well she did coming off the pappy. She was a total rockstar with it! Still, I wasn't convinced it was the right time. So last Wednesday The Princess and I were in Costco. We were looking through the clothing and of course something Dora caught her eye. What a coincidence, it was Dora panties. She had a fit for them and this just seemed to be my sign! I bought them. I went it to it with this attitude: We will try it for a few days. If it isn't working, we will stop and try again in a few weeks. I did not want to put a lot of pressure on her or stress her out about going to the potty. We had a busy day so when we finally got settled in at home that afternoon I asked her if she wanted to wear her new big girl panties. She did. We sat on the potty forstinkinever and nothing. So I put her panties on and let her go. About 2 minutes later she peed on the couch. I didn't freak out. I cleaned her up, we sat on the potty again and nothing...because it was all on the couch. Panty #2 and off she went. About 30 minutes later, while I was cooking dinner, she peed in the kitchen floor....so did Darby. I didn't freak out, but I put a pull up on her, we ate dinner, she got a bath, diaper and jammies, and day 1 was over. I was discouraged. I talked to my Mom and she suggested doing something with stickers because The Princess is ca-razy for stickers. I did some reading online and came up with a plan. She got up the next morning, we sat on the potty, nothing. Panties on and off she went. She peed in her panties during breakfast...on the couch again. I stripped the couch cushion covers off to wash and thought about calling this whole thing off. I waited about 30 minutes after she finished her breakfast and then asked if she wanted to go potty. She went. We sat and we sat and we sat and we sat...and then I hear a PLOP. Houston, we have a poopoo. She Pooped in the potty. People, I swear to you, I teared up. It was one of the best moments of my life. I couldn't believe it. My little baby was poopooing in the big potty! Faith was restored. I put a pull up on her and we headed to the Dollar Tree. I let her pick out her own poster board and we picked a ton of stickers. During her nap I made her potty chart and taped it to the wall in the bathroom. I made it calendar style and was pretty impressed with myself :) When she woke up from her nap, I sat her on the potty. We sat and we sat and we sat and we sat...and then I heard a tinkle. She PEEEEEED! I was so excited. I showed her the chart, talked about the stickers and let her put 3 of them on the chart. She didn't really get the whole calender concept and I didn't care! She could stick those things where ever as long as she was peeing in the potty! She didn't have an accident for the rest of the day! We are one week into potty training and she is doing awesome! I am so impressed with her, she really is an amazing kid, but maybe I'm just a little partial :) Yesterday she had NO accidents! She has even started telling me when she needs to go. In the beginning she only did this once or twice when she needed to poop, never pee. But now she is starting to get both. Here is exactly what I did:

1. The potty chart: The potty chart hangs in the bathroom where she can see it and show it off to visitors :) She has stickers with her favorite cartoon characters, which she loves! She gets 1 sticker for sitting on the potty, even if she doesn't do anything. She gets 3 stickers for peepee and 5 stickers for poop. And on the occassion that she pees and poops (it has happened twice) we go a little sticker crazy. I make a HUGE deal about her chart and tell her how awesome and pretty it is. I say "WOW! Look at all those stickers Addy. You are a big girl for peepeeing in the potty!" She loves it!

2. Activities: In the bathroom I have some of her favorite books to read while she sits. Sometimes I take the IPad so she can play games and she also likes to take her VReader. Basically, I turned our bathroom into a happening place to be! I try to make it fun so that she doesn't mind sitting in there. Sometimes we are sitting for a loooong time, really like 30 minutes so I don't want her getting bored. Fun is the key! We sing songs, tickle, count, name body parts...etc. Whatever shes in the mood for!

3. Potty Treats: I found a cute little princess bucket in the dollar bins at Target and I filled it with M&Ms. I got this idea from my sister in law, this helped with my niece's potty training. I have never given her a lot of candy, so this is something special. I call them Potty Treats and she only gets them if she actually potties. She gets 3 for pee and 4 for poop. Trust me, she never lets me forget this step!

4. Accidents: I never shame, punish, or get upset if she has an accident. I am as cool as a cucumber as my Mimi would say. I don't make a big deal out of it at all. I take her by the hand, we walk into the bathroom and I just clean her up and put on a fresh pair of panties. I reassure her that it is ok and everyone has accidents. She has always told me immediately when she has an accident. She usually says, uh-oh I peepee in the floor...or I peepee in the dogcage. Yes that happened. In the last day or two she has even stopped herself and told me and we made it to the potty in time to finish, both pee and poo. That makes me feel like she is getting it. I just keep it calm and easy breezy. No pressure no stress on her.

5. Panties: You gotta have cool panties! The Princess has Dora, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Minnie Mouse panties. I keep them in a drawer that she can access so that she can pick out the pair that she wants to put on. I did a lot of reading on pull ups vs. panties. What I got from it was that really pullups aren't that effective because they aren't much different than diapers. They are more convenient to get off and on, thats about it. With panties, they can really feel when they have soiled themselves. When she has on a pullup, she never tells me when she has had an accident, just as she never did in a diaper. So at home, she wears panties. It is messier and I've had to clean pee off the couch, the carpet, and the kitchen floor, but thats ok. She naps in a pull up and if we go out she wears a pull up. She only wears a diaper at night. For the last three days she has been dry through her nap and this morning she was dry.

This was after her first day of potty training. She earned 8 stickers! I am so so proud of my girl!

Reading Cordurory...in all her jewlery. Pretty cute huh!?

Potty Time with Daddy

The Potty Chart after 1 week. She has earned a bunch!

The potty station

Princess toilet paper. A must :)

The stickers and the Dora Potty Book. It makes various potty sounds when you push the little buttons at certain parts of the story. She loves it! In case you can't tell, she loves Dora!!

My little potty princess tonight during her bath. I couldn't resist sharing this one :)

So this is what is working for us so far. I know this is only the beginning and we have a long road a head of us. I have not seen the last of the peepee on the couch! She is by no means potty trained, but I think she is off to a fantastic start. That little girl is so precious to me and she is so smart. She surprises me every day. I just love her so much.

At the same time I am feeling so excited and so proud of all of these changes and the progress the Princess has made this month, I have also felt some sadness. I don't have a baby anymore. There are no more bottles, pappys, or diapers. The only baby thing that remains is her crib, and that will more than likely not be around much longer either. She is a little girl. I cleaned out her closet last week and came across several baby things.It got me a little emotional. I can't help but miss that little butterball that just warmed my heart with every giggle and drool. But I also can't imagine my life without the crazy little ball of energy that tornados through my living room with 10 necklances on, pushing a shopping cart and singing Jesus Loves Me.

Bad Bad Blogger

I am really terrible at this whole blogging thing. Unfotunately, with everything going on these last few months, my blog found itself at the very, very bottom of my priority list. In mid February Addy and I had to temporarily move back in with my mom in Jackson so that I could complete a 7 week research study as the final requirement for my Masters Degree. It was a great experience (by great I mean stressful and crazy) and I met some wonderful people, but I am happy that it is over. We moved back home right after Easter and the real insanity began. After I completed my research in the classroom I had to actually write the research paper, which ended up being 37 pages long. Yes, seriously! I then had to condense said 37 page paper into a power point for a panel of super smart people to review and then put me through hell an oral comprehensive exam about my study. I know I am cursing less, but it was truly a nightmare. I don't think I have ever worked so hard or worried so much in my entire life. I was popping tums like candy! Thankfully, I got it all done in time and I did pass my oral comps. Even with graduation 5 days away, I still have not received a grade on my paper. I am ASSUMING I get to graduate, but you know what they say about assuming..... I think if something were terribly wrong I would have heard by now. So I am planning on walking my happy self across that stage on Saturday and closing the door to this 5 year journey. I know that in reality being in school that long should make me like a doctor or lawyer or something, but alas, I am now just an elementary school teacher (an unemployed elementary school teacher). Sooooo if you know of any open K-6 positions in the Williamson County area, put in a good word for me :) I am extremely nervous about finding a job. I have heard it is incredibly competitetive around here and of course, being still relatively new to the area, I don't really have anyone on the inside to help a sister out. I am certainly praying for God to put me on the right path to finding a job. We are more than ready to be a 2 income household again. Daddy needs some new wheels!


So thats kinda where we are right now. I am excited about Saturday and getting to celebrate this big day with my family! Even more exciting is that the weekend after that we are going with my family to the BEACH! I CAN. NOT. WAIT!! I have not seen the ocean since August 2009 when I was pregnant. I need to feel sand between my toes and sun on my skin. A fruity cocktail wouldn't hurt things either! It has been way too long since out last vacation. Justin and I are both in desperate need of some relaxation. He has been working so hard lately and had a lot of stressful things going on at work. I plan on packing swim suits, flip flops, and sun block, that should be all I need to lay on the beach and do nothing for a week. I am also looking forward to seeing my sweet girl see the ocean for the first time. She has never been. I hope she loves it as much as I do. I also can't wait to see her sport the cutest stinkin baby bathing suit I have ever seen. It is a precious lady bug print with a matching little bucket hat...Ohmycuteness, I will have to post pictures!

Also since my last post, my princess had her 2nd birthday. Her Dora the Explorer themed party was a hit and we had a blast celebrating with many of our family and friends. I can't believe she is two. She just amazes me every day with how quickly she learns and how smart she is. She talks nonstop all the time and she's so funny. Her daddy and I just love her to pieces! There is never a dull moment around here with that little girl.

Just look at this face!

She loves cupcakes!!
It was a great day!

In other exciting news, this past weekend my sister-in-law Julie and one of my very best friends, Ashley ran their first half marathon here in Nashville at the St. Jude Country Music Marathon. 13.1 miles is a very long way. I am so very proud of both of them. Justin's whole family came for the weekend to cheer on Julie and Chuck, Ashley, and Maddy came to stay with us, so we really had a fun time! The family all wore matching Julie Holt Fan Club t-shirts. It was pretty cool!

All through their training process I have been soinspired by Ashley and Julie. They were so amazing, and it has really make me want to run a half too. I don't know if it is even possible for my body to do something like that, but I would like to try. Now that school is over and I have the summer free (with the number one exception of finding a job!!) I would like to focus on running. There is another St. Jude half in Memphis on December 1st of this year. I don't feel comfortable committign to it yet because I just started back on my Couch to 5K training program a week or two ago. So, the goal I have set for myself is that if by August I can run 5 miles I will register and begin training for the half. That would give me 4 months to add on another 8 miles. Sounds pretty crazy! I really want to do it, so we will see how it goes I guess. Wish me luck!

Impatiently waiting for Patience

Each Sunday Pastor Tom begins the service by opening the alter and inviting everyone to come up and pray or to kneel at your seat and pray what is in your heart. Yesterday during this time I kneeled down on the floor and the only word that would come into my head was patience. I prayed over and over Dear Lord, please help me find patience in my heart so I can be a better mom. I felt like such a failure as that was my prayer.

Most days feel like an obstacle course and I am just jumping hurdles and walls trying to get to the finish line and beat my previous time. I hurry through my day trying to get through one task to get to the next and I shuffle my daughter along the way as well. At night when I reflect on my day I am usually disgusted with myself when I think about the "hurry up" I said as Addy was on a 10 minute hunt for Quack Quack when I was trying to get us out the door, or the "move" I commanded while she was hanging onto my legs as I was carrying a laundry basket with 6 or more loads of dirty clothes. And the toddler whining and tantruming, how many eye rolls, sighs, and OMG thoughts can go through my head and show on my face? Or how about the way I watch the clock waiting on nap time because I am so anxious to get a jump start on the 5 hours of to-do's I need to get done in the 2 hour nap time frame...I need to get in my run, the toilet has a ring around it, the dogs are pacing at the door to go pee, I have four chapters I need to read for school this week, a research proposal draft is waiting to be written, I could use some lunch and a shower, breakfast dishes are still in the sink, there is a sticker embedded in the carpet, and I sure would love to catch up on last week's episode of Grey's. I wonder, am I the only mom who feels like an overwhelmed disaster?!

I know that this time with my daughter, while she is sweet and little and wants more than anything to spend every waking moment with mommy, is precious and short. I went to my favorite blog and in a post titled Overflowing Patience by TeriLynn Underwood, I found the inspiration I was looking for. She wrote "this word, patience, is better translated by the King James Version, as longsuffering." She also posed the question How can I grow patience in my heart and allow it to overflow into my relationship with my daughter? Then she offered this advice: Patience begins and ends with putting ourselves aside and giving our daughters our attention and our affirmation. There is no short cut and no easy way.

She suggested this exercise:

1. Commit to yourself for one day to be longsuffering with your daughter … to stop and listen with your full attention, to lay aside your plans and join her in hers, to speak with grace and not impatience.

2. Memorize Ephesians 4:2 – Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.


Ok, challenge accepted. I will start by getting off of this computer and drawing Foofa on the magna doodle because the cutest little pig-tailed princess is asking me to.

Pinterest is Crack

I speak the truth...pinterest is most definitely crack. I can literally spend HOURS of my life looking, laughing, salivating, and pinning. And since I've been sick the last couple of weeks and haven't been able to do too much else, I really have spent a tremendous amount of time on this site. Justin thinks I'm a little crazy and doesn't understand what the heck I'm doing over here, however, I justified myself tonight by cooking a very delicious calzone that I got off of pinterest. I mean, seriously, that thing was like Mellow Mushroom good. It is probably the 3rd recipe I've tried from my pins and by far the best. Pinterest has also inspired me to attempt some better organization around here. This weekend, in between naps and feeling like my chest was on fire and caving in, I cleaned out the coat closet, cleaned out and organized the guest bedroom closet (and by organized, I mean pulled all the junk out and then shoved it back in again in a different way) and cleaned out and organized the laundry room/closet. I am pretty pleased with the laundry closet. I went to the dollar tree and bin-basket'ed it up. I chose blue for the color because that is what they had the most bins and baskets in. The coat closet looks much better also. I'm not that impressed with my work in the guest bedroom, but there is really not much hope for that area. There is NO storage space in this house. We don't even have a garage! So closets are the garage and they are packed full to the max. I did combine a few boxes and put some things in a Goodwill pile. I guess that's pretty good for now. I also made a trip to Ross. I HAD to get some air. I had not left the house other than to go to the doctor in like 5 days. I bought a few new things for the guest bedroom including a new comforter (for $30!) which I think is really pretty and I'm excited about it. And since I am such a devoted pinner, I am declaring that room my first Pinterest project. I really do want something productive to come from the insane time I put into my pinning :) I have a few little things in mind that have inspired me from my pins that I would like to attempt for in there...and something is getting painted with chalkboard paint. Before and after pics to come. I hope I don't permanently damage anything or glue myself to...myself, or anything else.

This is a pretty snoozable post, but unfortunately when you are stuck at home with pneumonia for weeks on end, there isn't much interesting to share. I am happy to report that I have been doing excellent on my cursing less, especially in front of Addy. And it seems like since I have been cutting back the potty mouth, I have also done a better job of controlling my attitude by way of eye rolling, heavy sighing, and impatient commands. Knock on wood....we've had some really great days at home here lately. I am hoping this is not because I just haven't had the energy to do anything else. I will keep praying about it.

I will also share this saying that I saw...where else....on Pinterest today :)
When life gives you more than you can stand, kneel

Love that

Today's Blessings:

10. Waking up not to an alarm, but to the sweetest little voice coming over the monitor. "Mama, mama, help!" Saying help is her new thing. It really cracks me up (except when she says it as I'm buckling her into her car seat. People probably think I'm a kidnapper) I hope I never forget the way her voice sounded when she was this age.

11. My mom worrying about me. Why is it that, no matter how old you get, when you don't feel well, you always want your mom? I'm thankful that I have a great mom, who worries about me and always calls to check on me. It really does make me feel a little better. I pray that I bring that kind of comfort to my baby.

Healing

It has been quite a day. Today I had a CT scan, blood taken from both arms, the feeling that I just peed in my pants, and the holy bajeezus scared out of me! I will back track and explain all of that. Most of you know (I must interrupt and say that I love that I say "most of you" as if I am speaking to the masses. There is probably a grand total of 2 people who read this blog. Just made me laugh!) Anyway, as most of you know I went to the doctor the Monday before Christmas with chest pain and was diagnosed with pneumonia. I had no idea that I was even sick, I had just been experiencing severe, sharp chest pain for a couple of weeks. I had been on webmd and diagnosed myself with a number of life threatening illnesses that I was sure I had. When the nurse checked my vitals I also had a temperature of 102. I said "hmmm, that's weird." She looked at me like I was weird. I had some x-rays done and the doctor told me that I had a pretty good sized mass of pneumonia in my lungs and that was the reason for the chest pain. I thought that was the most bizarre thing since I was experiencing NO other symptoms that you typically associate with pneumonia. No sneezing, coughing, wheezing, snots...nothing. But what do I know, I'm certainly no doctor. So I sent Justin after my prescription, which was *gasp* $132. I almost died. I was sure this medicine must be laced with diamonds and unicorns and I would most definitely feel better immediately. So, I grew roots on the couch for a few days thanks to my Mom who came and got Addy and I did actually feel better in time for Christmas. I was so happy that I got to enjoy the holidays with my family and over joyed that Addy and Justin did not come done with my pneumonia cooties. I finished out my antibiotic last Wed and felt pretty good. This weekend, the chest pain came back with a vengeance! Sunday night I was in a lot of pain and I was super mad that my super expensive medicine had not done the trick. So I put off going back to the doctor until today, Wednesday, because I was hoping it would just go away. I took Addy with me to the walk-in clinic because I didn't think we would be there very long, just in and out for a prescription refill (which by the way was NOT going to be the $130 prescription, I was going to ever so politely tell them what they could do with that one!) The doctor did another x-ray and after some waiting, a toddler meltdown, and 87 replays of "There's a party in my tummy" video on Youtube (thank God for smart phones), the doctor came back in looking all serious. She told me that the mass in my lungs had grown and that it was not pneumonia. She said she thought it was most likely a pulmonary embolism, which is a blood clot in my lungs. OMG! There is the bajeezus getting scared out of me. I actually new a guy about my age that passed away last fall from a blood clot. My heart sank and I didn't really know what to say or do. I couldn't cry and be the basket case that I wanted to be because I had Addy. So I called Justin and he said he would leave work. I had to go to another doctor's office to get a CT scan and since it was now 2 hours past A's lunch time, I knew I could not even think of taking her for that. So they took some blood work and I headed to Franklin for my test. There I had more blood taken and a needle stuck in my arm so the tech could inject a dye for my test. It hurt really bad. The lady was very nice and told me what to expect and she was right on the money. As soon as I got the injection, my whole body was warm, my ears felt like they were on fire, my heart was racing, and I was positive I had peed in my pants! She told me I would feel that way, but that I would not actually have done it. I was SURE I had peed myself...but I didn't. Crazy. They sent my results back to my doctor, and it turns out I do NOT have a blood clot in my lungs. Thank God! I was doing some serious praying in that waiting room. I was terrified, nothing has ever been wrong with me in my life, I have been blessed with good health. They CT showed that the mass is still in fact pneumonia infection. My doctor was baffled that I had not responded to the first round of antibiotics and that it has grown, but she gave me another round of antibiotics. Guess we will see how this one goes. I am just so thankful that it is just pneumonia. My chest is still hurting very bad, I hope this antibiotic gets the job done fast. I have a new treadmill upstairs that is calling my name!

Justin is also not feeling well. I'm not sure what he is coming down with but he is downing theraflu as I type. Poor guy. I always hate it when he is sick because he NEVER takes off work when he doesn't feel well. He just works through it, when I know if it were me I would have called in and balled up on the couch under a blanky in my jammies. That man is tough as nails! Love him. So please say a prayer for him too, we are both in need of some healing. So far, sweet Addy is feeling fine.

Also today, anyone reading this, I am asking for your prayers for a dear friend of mine. I can't go into any detail, but yesterday someone that I love very much received some devastating news about her child. It is not life threatening, but it is life changing. I have spent a lot of time in the last 24 hours talking to God and praying for this family. I feel so helpless as a friend because there is truly nothing that I can do to bring comfort to her. I have been asking God to wrap his arms around her and her husband and allow them to feel his presence and draw peace and strength from Him. I can only imagine the pain and grief they are feeling and the questions in their heads that seem to have no answers. I wish that I could take that all away for her. I know that their hearts are breaking, mine breaks for them too. I know that they need healing Lord, please shine your light on them and show them hope.

Today's blessings

8. Not having a blood clot in my lungs! I was so afraid. I never thought I would say that I am thankful for pneumonia, but I am.

9. A healthy child


Hug your babies tight and tell them you love them every single day as many times as possible.

The Big 3-0

I have been dreading this day for seriously, 5 years now. My husband would testify to that, since the day I turned 25 I've reminded myself each year that I was closer to 30 than 20. I did not have a meltdown today, although one was fully expected. I'm pretty proud. I can't tell you exactly why I hate the idea of being 30 so much. I have friends that are 30. They didn't dry up and turn into one big wrinkle and they still do the same stuff they were doing last year when they were 29. No life altering change hit me today...I don't know what it is. I just don't like it. There is something about being a twenty-something that just makes you feel youthful. Being a thirty-something just doesn't have the same ring to it. Boo-hoo. Oh and P.S. I found a grey eyebrow hair tonight. Are you kidding me!? I got this super lighted, magnifying mirror for Christmas. So far it has proven to be quite evil...and I asked for the dang thing! I could seriously sit for hours picking, tweezing, and staring at my giant pores and other various imperfections. I am also sure that I spotted a wrinkle, or a "laugh line", which is just a friendly way to say WRINKLE. Justin said I was crazy. I'm afraid he may steal and hide my magic mirror.

Less whining, right? Right. So good things about turning 30....hmmm. I can't really think of any off the top of my head :) I am however, thankful for another birthday that I am here for and I pray for many more to come. I am thankful for my health and for the health of my family. One good thing I can say is that I think I look 10 times better at 30 than I did at 20. I know how to fix my hair and make up in a flattering way and I am definitely in better shape than I was back then. At 20 I was in college with the freshman 15 (or 20), had a nice little beer belly, and I definitely did not have a lick of style! I owned a pair of pleather pants, people! That is just sad. I could tell you a pretty funny story about pleather pants, a dance floor, and one of my favorite red heads...but she would probably kill me :) Aaahhh 20, the good ol days.

On a side note, I would say Day 1 on my New Years resolution was a success. I did do some mild complaining about my age and grey eye brow hair, but hey, it IS my birthday and I can cry if I want to :)

Today's Blessings:

4. I am blessed with a very sweet husband that tells me he loves me every day. He also took me on a birthday date tonight and told me I looked pretty.

5. I had over 50 people wish me a happy birthday on facebook. What a great feeling that so many people took a moment out of their day to think of me. It really made my day.

6. I am so thankful for my sister in law, Julie. I know that some people may have awkward relationships with in-law family members, but I am so blessed that I gained a sister through marriage who has also become one of my best friends. Thank you Jules for keeping our little monkey tonight so Justin and I could go on our hot date!

7. New love. I have a couple of single friends who have recently started dating some special someones. Now, I don't know if either one is truly "in love" just yet, but it is a blessing to me to see them happier than they have been in a very long time. I pray that they are able to find a love as true as I have.


Justin and I on my birthday date tonight